Many parents of children with autism, and other developmental disabilities, experience something known as cyclical grieving. This grief is processed differently than parents experiencing other grave losses, even the loss of a child. The grieving process typically involves five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) that may or may not be experienced in order and some stages may not be experienced at all. Grieving is a healthy process of healing, leading to a destination of acceptance of a finite loss. Cyclical grief, however, emerges and re-emerges for a special needs parent over the life span of their child with autism. The word cyclical in this context refers to the emotions experienced in the initial stages of grief. These emotions include, but are not limited to anger, anxiety, denial, depression, guilt, helplessness, loneliness, sadness, frustration, and disbelief.
There are a variety of events that can trigger cyclical grieving. Starting with the diagnosis, many parents grieve the idea of the child they were going to have, the relationship they thought they’d have, and the life that child would lead. They may not feel qualified or prepared to raise a child with autism and meet their needs. As the child atypically develops, the parent may experience deep sadness when friends’ children hit milestones and their child does not. This can be recurring, as there are a multitude of lifelong developmental milestones (e.g., first words, walking, riding a bike, making a friend, driving, transitioning to college or career, getting married).
The parent may feel frustrated and exhausted fighting to secure services and advocate for their child. This can cause them to feel overwhelmed and ignore or minimize their own needs in the process. “In addition to experiencing high levels of chronic stress, anxiety, and depression, parents of children with disabilities are faced with the heartbreaking limitations that exist in a world where not all children are included, considered, and prioritized in the same ways” (Munoz 2017).
This leads to another powerful emotion that parents of children with special needs often feel in cyclical grieving - guilt. They may feel guilty because they missed the signs and got their child a late diagnosis or they can’t provide the extra support the child needs. They may just feel guilty that they can’t change the times their child has been excluded, mistreated, or unwanted by others.
It is important to know that these feelings are normal, and they need to be acknowledged and talked about. “These strong feelings are going to be experienced by most parents/caregivers of children on the autism spectrum because of the great love they feel for their children” (Hetzel, 2018). However, periods of grief are woven throughout times of great happiness for parents of children with autism. Every goal met, every unexpected milestone achieved, and every new skill mastered brings immeasurable joy as they learn to accept life with autism.
If you are a parent of a child on the autism spectrum or other developmental disability and are experiencing these emotions, you are not alone. Samaritan is here to support you! Call us at 909-985-0513 to make an appointment with one of our caring counselors.
Sources:
Hetzel, Ann Psy.D. Cyclical Grieving for Parents of Children with Autism. Hopebridge.com, 2018
Munoz, Alicia, LPC. Self-Care Tips for Parents of Special Needs Children. Goodtherapy.com, 2017.
There are a variety of events that can trigger cyclical grieving. Starting with the diagnosis, many parents grieve the idea of the child they were going to have, the relationship they thought they’d have, and the life that child would lead. They may not feel qualified or prepared to raise a child with autism and meet their needs. As the child atypically develops, the parent may experience deep sadness when friends’ children hit milestones and their child does not. This can be recurring, as there are a multitude of lifelong developmental milestones (e.g., first words, walking, riding a bike, making a friend, driving, transitioning to college or career, getting married).
The parent may feel frustrated and exhausted fighting to secure services and advocate for their child. This can cause them to feel overwhelmed and ignore or minimize their own needs in the process. “In addition to experiencing high levels of chronic stress, anxiety, and depression, parents of children with disabilities are faced with the heartbreaking limitations that exist in a world where not all children are included, considered, and prioritized in the same ways” (Munoz 2017).
This leads to another powerful emotion that parents of children with special needs often feel in cyclical grieving - guilt. They may feel guilty because they missed the signs and got their child a late diagnosis or they can’t provide the extra support the child needs. They may just feel guilty that they can’t change the times their child has been excluded, mistreated, or unwanted by others.
It is important to know that these feelings are normal, and they need to be acknowledged and talked about. “These strong feelings are going to be experienced by most parents/caregivers of children on the autism spectrum because of the great love they feel for their children” (Hetzel, 2018). However, periods of grief are woven throughout times of great happiness for parents of children with autism. Every goal met, every unexpected milestone achieved, and every new skill mastered brings immeasurable joy as they learn to accept life with autism.
If you are a parent of a child on the autism spectrum or other developmental disability and are experiencing these emotions, you are not alone. Samaritan is here to support you! Call us at 909-985-0513 to make an appointment with one of our caring counselors.
Sources:
Hetzel, Ann Psy.D. Cyclical Grieving for Parents of Children with Autism. Hopebridge.com, 2018
Munoz, Alicia, LPC. Self-Care Tips for Parents of Special Needs Children. Goodtherapy.com, 2017.
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